Fantasy Softball League?

When will this crazy fatness end? Why can't I just wake up 75 pounds lighter ???? That's all I really want. I want to lose this weight by not changing one single things in my life. I wish I could have gotten the bariatric surgery but I chickened out 3 times. 3!!!!!

I start softball this weekend and I am terrified of dying out there. I can barely walk some days and my fat ass joined a softball league. WTF was I thinking ?? Seriously? I wasn't. I like the idea of playing softball but not in this body. I think the reason I did it is because I will always make an excuse. I just ripped off the bandaid. Now I will sort of be fat shaming myself in a very public way. I really have no other choice but to drop some weight and shape up a little. Otherwise I will suck royally and die in the outfield.

I really want to do this and I know that I have the potential to be good at softball. I loved playing when I was younger and I love being on a team. I bought a bat, balls, a bag, cleats, and a glove. I played catch in the yard with the two older kids today. I was out there for a half hour and I was exhausted. Let's hope the innings aren't that long. I seriously need to get my shit together! Keep your fingers crossed that I don't die. Just to be safe cross whatever body parts you can. Trust me it will help.

Fat life

I'm here frying up chicken cutlets for my son's 9th birthday. It's his favorite meal. He also put in a request for the awesome -est cake I've ever made!!! It's a milk chocolate layer cake that is covered in melted chocolate. I let  the layers cool, filled it with chocolate mousse, and iced the whole friggin thing in mousse!! Insane! There goes my diet! Tomorrow is another day! 

This is one bad ass cake! The words are written in white chocolate!!! It was so yummy! I'm going to make a peanut butter cupcake recipe that's a spin off of this! 

Once upon a time

I remember being 15. I remember it so vividly that the pain of some of those memories are still very fresh. 

I promised myself that I'd marry a hero. Someone who would lift me from the rubble. He would be smart and deep. Caring and kind. Patient and strong. He would know all of the words to "Angie" by the Rolling Stones and "I Will Buy You a New Life". He would know why those songs meant so much AND nothing at the same time. 

He would defend me. He would stand behind me. 

I would do all of that and more for him.