Accounting for shrinkage

I had a moment to myself earlier. It was like 2 minutes but I'll take it! In that moment I was thinking about how my goal doesn't seem so big when I break it up into weeks and months. So as long as I stay on this path I will be a smaller version of myself everyday. 

The Walrus and the Carpenter

This morning has been sort of awful. My middle child woke up at 2:45 and was vomiting and had stomach pain. Every time I cleaned up after him and fell back asleep he woke up again needing me. Now he is bright eyed and bushy tailed telling me that he feels "fantastic". I feel like shit run over, twice. Now I have to chase around the 2 yr old all day while feeling like a zombie. Not to mention the dog has an ear infection and it took me 30 minutes to wrestle her to the ground to apply the drops in her ear. UGH! I also had to cancel a very much needed play date with a dear friend. =( Womp!

I ate two bowls of cereal this morning and I feel guilty. I mean they were Cheerios but still almost 300 calories gone. I did track my calories so at least I can try and stay under my 1400 calories. I should be able to considering I am too tired to sleep eat! Jeez what is wrong with me today? Who writes that they are too tired to sleep?? Me that's who. Someone so far beyond tired that nonsense is the only thing that makes sense. Like in Alice in Wonderland.


I also want to suggest the APP that I use for anyone trying to lose weight or maintain a certain calorie amount a day. I use My Fitness Pal. It is free and wonderful. I have lost more weight and stayed focused longer, while using this APP, than I ever did on Weight Watchers or any other diet I went on.

Lunch

Ok. I had to share my lunch! No fat added microwave omelette!!! 

I know it doesn't look that pretty but it sure is good for you!

2 cups raw spinach on side

Lunch omelette:

2 egg whites

1 whole egg

2 Tbsp water

1/4 cup red bell pepper

1/2 medium tomato

1 Tbsp raw onion

1/2 slice white American cheese

Chop onions, pepper and tomato so that they look like chunky salsa. 

Ok. Grab a microwave safe bowl. Beat the egg whites, egg, and water in the bowl. Throw in the peppers, tomato and onion. Give it all a mix. Put the bowl in the microwave for 1 minute 30 seconds. Remove from microwave and give the eggs a stir to evenly distribute the cooked egg from the uncooked egg. Put back in the microwave for another 1 minute 30 seconds and let sit a minute. It should look like it's cooked all around and no wetness in the middle. If there's a small puddle of liquid then mix again and go for 30 seconds more in intervals until egg is cooked. Top with cheese. 

Viola! No fat added yummy lunch omelette! 

Calorie break down: 

Eggs - 105 calories 

Red pepper- 6 calories

Onion- 4 calories

Tomato- 11 calories

Cheese - 35 calories

Spinach- 13 calories

Total- approximately 186 calories!!!! 

I have a turkey breast in the oven. I'll share dinner later on. I haven't decided on sides. The family is having stove top and canned veggies. I'll probably have spinach and spaghetti squash. Gotta make room for dessert!!! 

Yum!

Good Morning,

After a very productive 2 days I am back down to 317 pounds! I drank a ton of water and made myself some delicious treats that were low calorie. Here is one of my favorites!

This is zucchini and tomatoes. You can add chicken or shrimp to it or eat it over spaghetti squash or pasta. I chose to throw it in a bowl and devour the whole thing.

What you'll need:

2 tomatoes

1 zucchini

1 tsp garlic minced, garlic powder or adobe

Pinch of salt

Pinch of crushed red pepper (only if you like spicy)

Pinch of  pepper 

Take the 2 tomatoes and dice them and set aside. Cut the zucchini into thick slices and quarter the slices. Throw the tomatoes (seeds and skins too) into a heated skillet. Let them cook for a few seconds and then lower your flame to a medium heat. Throw the zucchini in, mix and then add garlic and spices. You need to keep stirring so the mixture so the tomatoes won't stick. (You can add some olive oil to the pan before starting but I didn't want the added fat.) Put the flame on simmer and put a lid over the skillet so everything can kind of stew together. Cook until the zucchini is at a desired texture. I like my zucchini a bit snappy so I don't cook it for too long. Enjoy!

Calorie count:

2 tomatoes- 44 calories

Approximately 1 cup of zucchini - 60 calories

Garlic 5 calories

This very filling sauce/side/snack is only 109 calories!!!! 

Where it starts

Well... here I am. All 319 pounds of me. I wanted to start this blog in the beginning of January when I started this diet but like many things that I do, I kind of put it off. My first post is being made because it is a class assignment. It was the perfect PUSH to get me started.

Ok a little about me. I am Angie. I am a 31 year old mother of 3. My whole entire life has been chubby. I have been described as cherub faced, high cheek boned, chubby, FAT, chunky, thick, MISS PIGGY, a beached whale, twinkie fingers & ding dong toes (YUM), voluptuous, beautiful, BBW, BIG... ok I can go on but I will save some of my dignity.

Where it all started...

 THIS IS MY MOM! Mother of 3 and grandmother of 5!!!

I have a mother who is beautiful. Seriously a knock out. Blonde hair, blue eyes, long eyelashes... all of those things that women wish they had and men wanted to be with. Mom has low self esteem and a poor body image. She has struggled with her weight her whole life (not to the extreme I have) and has projected her fears of being a fat nobody on me. Despite my outgoing nature, happy attitude and love for all the people of the world, mom still had to make me feel like less of a person because I carried more weight in the middle. She's a good woman but all of her issues and shitty upbringing meant that I was doomed to walk the earth carrying her burdens.
She was picked on and never made it past the 8th grade. SOOOOO at the age of 13 she put me on a diet. A really strict one. YUCK! Warm lemon juice water in the morning and the blandest, driest, fake-est tasting  foods (that were bought from a dietitian who peddled these products I'm sure she profited from) She told me that high school was a lot different from middle school and the kids would beat me up just for being fat. I was TERRIFIED and complied. I lost a bunch of weight. I was starving and would go days with barely eating. I was so afraid that I would walk into high school and everyone would turn on me. My friends, the teachers, strangers... hell I was afraid the janitor would laugh at me. Well I looked good the first day of 9th grade. Flare jeans and a Doors t-shirt. (GRROWL! I was a 90's hippie- skater kid. Oasis rocks!)

• -9th grade first real boyfriend. I'm so happy I can't eat
• -10th grade real boyfriend dumps me after taking my virginity and humiliates me- I eat. A bunch
•  2nd half of tenth grade I meet another giant loser he dumps me I get fatter
• -10th grade (the second time) I brush off the losers, buckle down and date a little while getting fatter I'm back to about 180 pounds
• 2nd half of 2nd year in 10th grade I meet my future husband. So happy, can't eat, working
• 11th grade- there was a mistake. All of my hard work to bring my grades up has me lacking in credits that bring me back to 10th grade
• 10th grade- I dropped out. Started working full time. All of my friends graduate. My husband (boyfriend at the time) graduates. 
• The year 2000- a lot of fun, working, partying, hanging out
• 2001- I turned 18 in January- 
• June I found out I was pregnant.
• MOVED out of mom and dad's 
• Got an apartment with Joe- he works and is gone about 14 hrs a day. I'm home, 18 and pregnant, no car. I get heavier
• We get married in November- 6 months pregnant
• January- I turn 19'
• FEBRUARY 13, 2002 
• The greatest day of my life. I gave birth to my 6lb 12 oz bundle of happiness. Hailey Rose Belmont
• April- found out my husband cheated on me at his bachelor party.
• Life comes to a crashing halt. I contemplate suicide but I love my daughter more than anything and can't imagine leaving her behind
• We reconcile
• I got fatter
• And fatter 
• and fatter
• 2004
• I found out I was pregnant with Joey.
• APRIL 7, 2005
• Next greatest day of my life. I had a family. I real little family. A mom and dad and a girl and boy.
• I gained 65 pounds. Barely lost any of it. I am a whopping 260 pounds.
• I am anxious and depressed. Suicidal again.
• More weight.
• Then I lost about 30 pounds.
• Went on anxiety meds. Gained more weight.
• 3 miscarriages. 
• We made peace with the fact that we will no longer have anymore children.
• I start working. Full time. I have a real job. I am a licensed insurance broker, hubby has a good job, life is good. We move into a rented home that costs nearly double what our apartment costs. 
• MAY 2011
• went to doctor for bad pain in pelvic area.
• Pregnant again! PREGNANT AGAIN!!!
• A lot of drama that is still too hard to talk about.
• JANUARY 17, 2012
• Here he was. All the trouble, the waiting, the tears. I gave birth via c-section, my miracle baby. Ben.
• FAST FORWARD
• DECEMBER 2013
• I decide to join a weight loss competition. I knew full well that I wouldn't win but wanted to give it a shot.
• JANUARY 1, 2014
• I started my journey. 337 pounds. 
• I lose 21.
• Gain back 2
• 319 pounds. Going to the gym tomorrow.