Ok a little about me. I am Angie. I am a 31 year old mother of 3. My whole entire life has been chubby. I have been described as cherub faced, high cheek boned, chubby, FAT, chunky, thick, MISS PIGGY, a beached whale, twinkie fingers & ding dong toes (YUM), voluptuous, beautiful, BBW, BIG... ok I can go on but I will save some of my dignity.
Where it all started...
THIS IS MY MOM! Mother of 3 and grandmother of 5!!!
I have a mother who is beautiful. Seriously a knock out. Blonde hair, blue eyes, long eyelashes... all of those things that women wish they had and men wanted to be with. Mom has low self esteem and a poor body image. She has struggled with her weight her whole life (not to the extreme I have) and has projected her fears of being a fat nobody on me. Despite my outgoing nature, happy attitude and love for all the people of the world, mom still had to make me feel like less of a person because I carried more weight in the middle. She's a good woman but all of her issues and shitty upbringing meant that I was doomed to walk the earth carrying her burdens.She was picked on and never made it past the 8th grade. SOOOOO at the age of 13 she put me on a diet. A really strict one. YUCK! Warm lemon juice water in the morning and the blandest, driest, fake-est tasting foods (that were bought from a dietitian who peddled these products I'm sure she profited from) She told me that high school was a lot different from middle school and the kids would beat me up just for being fat. I was TERRIFIED and complied. I lost a bunch of weight. I was starving and would go days with barely eating. I was so afraid that I would walk into high school and everyone would turn on me. My friends, the teachers, strangers... hell I was afraid the janitor would laugh at me. Well I looked good the first day of 9th grade. Flare jeans and a Doors t-shirt. (GRROWL! I was a 90's hippie- skater kid. Oasis rocks!)
- -9th grade first real boyfriend. I'm so happy I can't eat
- -10th grade real boyfriend dumps me after taking my virginity and humiliates me- I eat. A bunch
- 2nd half of tenth grade I meet another giant loser he dumps me I get fatter
- -10th grade (the second time) I brush off the losers, buckle down and date a little while getting fatter I'm back to about 180 pounds
- 2nd half of 2nd year in 10th grade I meet my future husband. So happy, can't eat, working
- 11th grade- there was a mistake. All of my hard work to bring my grades up has me lacking in credits that bring me back to 10th grade
- 10th grade- I dropped out. Started working full time. All of my friends graduate. My husband (boyfriend at the time) graduates.
- The year 2000- a lot of fun, working, partying, hanging out
- 2001- I turned 18 in January-
- June I found out I was pregnant.
- MOVED out of mom and dad's
- Got an apartment with Joe- he works and is gone about 14 hrs a day. I'm home, 18 and pregnant, no car. I get heavier
- We get married in November- 6 months pregnant
- January- I turn 19'
- FEBRUARY 13, 2002
- The greatest day of my life. I gave birth to my 6lb 12 oz bundle of happiness. Hailey Rose Belmont
- April- found out my husband cheated on me at his bachelor party.
- Life comes to a crashing halt. I contemplate suicide but I love my daughter more than anything and can't imagine leaving her behind
- We reconcile
- I got fatter
- And fatter
- and fatter
- 2004
- I found out I was pregnant with Joey.
- APRIL 7, 2005
- Next greatest day of my life. I had a family. I real little family. A mom and dad and a girl and boy.
- I gained 65 pounds. Barely lost any of it. I am a whopping 260 pounds.
- I am anxious and depressed. Suicidal again.
- More weight.
- Then I lost about 30 pounds.
- Went on anxiety meds. Gained more weight.
- 3 miscarriages.
- We made peace with the fact that we will no longer have anymore children.
- I start working. Full time. I have a real job. I am a licensed insurance broker, hubby has a good job, life is good. We move into a rented home that costs nearly double what our apartment costs.
- MAY 2011
- went to doctor for bad pain in pelvic area.
- Pregnant again! PREGNANT AGAIN!!!
- A lot of drama that is still too hard to talk about.
- JANUARY 17, 2012
- Here he was. All the trouble, the waiting, the tears. I gave birth via c-section, my miracle baby. Ben.
- FAST FORWARD
- DECEMBER 2013
- I decide to join a weight loss competition. I knew full well that I wouldn't win but wanted to give it a shot.
- JANUARY 1, 2014
- I started my journey. 337 pounds.
- I lose 21.
- Gain back 2
- 319 pounds. Going to the gym tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment